by Marisue Alsobrook 

“People are always coming up to me in church to comment that my kids are the best mannered children in the building. “What’s your secret?” they ask. Well, it’s easy. There’s no secret. I can sum it up in one word. Rehearse.”

Parent Help with Toddlers to Teens 

Beginning with toddlers and ending with teens, (and even adults) everyone behaves better when they know what’s expected.  Have realistic expectations of what you want from your kids, and then tell them, show them, and set aside time for practice before you set penalties. Make sure you’ve had several clear and successful rehearsals before you talk about punishment. In fact, I wouldn’t even bring the penalty phase into it until you’ve talked about the rewards many times. Did I say bribery? Some might call it that, but I prefer to label it “rewards” and whatever the name, it works.

Behavior Modification

Here are some tips about rehearsal:

1. Name the desired behavior and keep it simple. (”Sit quietly.”)
2. Keep the age and personality of the child in mind.  Younger kids will need some quiet activities to engage them during church meeting times, such as soft books, quiet drawing materials. Older youth, if they seem to have shorter attention spans in groups, may benefit from bringing appropriate reading material, such as a church publication.
3. Bring acceptable quiet snacks for long meetings.  However, remember to re-wrap “noisy” candy and say no to loud munchies or anything juicy. Let the kids choose some of these items within reason.
4. Give a verbal description and visual example of what you expect. Have one of your children or an adult demonstrate what you expect.
5. Have all the people who will be at church do the behavior you’ve described and shown.
6. Let the kids ask questions and make suggestions.
7. Decide on a reward.  Let the kids have input.  Sometimes what we think is a good reward, may not mean so much to the kiddos.  Rewards can be things like:  Extra TV time, going out for dessert after dinner, or everyone playing a family game that evening, etc.
8. Build in break time for long meetings.  Remember, this is a separate behavior, so how to leave and re-enter the room needs to be rehearsed as well.
9. Talk about it, before, during, and afterwards!  Before: Have the kids describe what the expectation is. During: Soft whispers of praise and encouragement from the parents to kids. Afterwards: Parents give praise and kids also can comment on how they think it went. This is a great time to decide whether they mastered “quiet” or need to continue to work on it.
10. Work on just one or two expectations at a time. As success is reached, take some time to celebrate and then add a new goal.
11. Success is measured in inches!  So, give sincere praise with each and every step of the journey.
12. Now enjoy the meetings.

See my post on “Teaching Kids to Listen in Church” for further information.

Related Posts:

1. Kids and Food
2. Embarassing Behavior in Kids: Are Parents Deaf?
3. Dodging Kids in Public Places
4. Kids: Surviving Summer
5. Getting Kids to Eat “Right” Now!
6. Bossy Kids? Be In Charge With These Easy Steps
7. Getting Kids to Eat “Right” - Easy Tips
8. Raising Kids With A Sense of Humor - Molasses in the Dryer, Cat in The Fridge
9. Time For Kids: How To Find It
10. How To Be A Solid Mom - 101 Ways