Teens and Drugs 

“Sneaky behavior is nothing to laugh about.  I’m not trying to make light of a serious situation, but take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, muster a small smile, and say to yourself “I can do something that will make this better” 10 times.” 

Police Action 

Being a police officer and foster parent at the same time was both a help and a hindrance.  One thing it did accomplish was give us an even broader stage of learning about parenting.  My husband was in law enforcement for over 30 years and we’ve seen many kids on drugs, and doing other scary things.  Sometimes, we wanted to put them in “jail” just to keep them safe.  Of course, we couldn’t.  It’s a shame the world is so full of dangers for our young people.  We found there is hope, help and solutions.  But, they aren’t quick. 

Self Blame 

Parents often blame themselves for everything their kids do wrong.  Don’t beat yourself up about the “hows or the whys.”  A thousand teens will experiment with drugs for a thousand different reasons.  I think most of those reasons relate to age and stage.  They’re not bad, they just don’t know how to be good with bad people.  Therefore, task number one:  remove them from bad people. 

Peer Pressure 

Peer pressure causes imitation.  Imitation is how we learn.  Understand that somehow, your kid in trouble spent too much time with people whose influence became too strong.  That’s a powerful draw.  You have only to watch a toddler as they “watch” another child, to realize just how magnetic the power of peers seems to be.

Now go brew a cup of green tea,  because we need to talk.  Ready? 

Setting Limits 

• There are no easy answers and to help your child, you’re going to have to be strong.  Know that you will have to resist the fighting, the screaming, the threats and all the other behaviors they will throw at you as you try to put up the safety net.  The younger your child is when you begin, the easier it will be on you. So start now.

Stress Relief

• Get paper and pen, and make a list of your concerns.  Then, prioritize them.  They may all be number one, so just put the one you feel is the most threatening at the top. 

Counseling

• Understand that you must get professional help.  Get out the yellow pages and make some phone calls, you can find cost effective and sometimes free centers and clinics.  Before you call, keep working on your list until you’ve got everything you can think of covered.  This will help you when talking to the pros.

Emotional Strength 

•  Next, decide to take care of yourself no matter what happens.  There is no magic solution, and if you fall apart, no one else is going to get the help they need. 

Mentoring

• Find someone to talk to that is reliable and can reaffirm your decisions as being sound and reasonable.  It’s easy to not trust your own thoughts for awhile, so it makes sense to seek advice from someone who has experience with families and teens in distress. 

• You don’t have to tell them your life story.  Start in the middle.  Say something like “I think my child may be experimenting with drugs.  I am concerned about some of their friends and where they’ve been going at night.  I’m a single parent (if that’s the case), I’m scared, and I don’t know where to begin.”  

These counselors have heard it all and they will know most of the rest of your story by heart.   

Here are some things we’ve learned:

1. Fear and inaction is disabling. 
2. You can do more and take more than you think you can. 

Confidentiality

1. Do Not discuss this with everyone you see, it spreads the gloom making you appear dysfunctional.  Everyone can not help you, but they’ll sure be interested in the story. 
2. Find someone to trust, but trust carefully. 

Eating Healthily

1. You must take care of yourself by eating healthy food.  Eating several small meals a day may be a better choice if your stomach is in tied up in knots.  Personally, I found herbs and natural stress relievers to be more comfortable for me to take, rather than prescribed tranquilizers, but take that issue to your doctor.  NOW.  You have to have sleep, but you don’t want to be “out” of it.
2. Immediately increase your time with your kids.  Plan a few activities and become their bumper sticker. 
3. For your preteens, consider buying one of those phones that only dials 911 or the parent.  I’ve seen them on cellphone websites.  Set a rule that they must check in or answer the phone when you call them, and if they follow the rule, they’ll be earning a cell phone. (A year or more from now, but don’t mention that time frame.)
4. Immediately decrease the time your kids spend with friends, but do it discreetly if you can.  Just think of things that keep everyone really busy.  Or, increase their time with the particular friend you know to be safe.   You be there as well, because they may be talking these friends into covering up their behavior.

Parental Involvement at School

1. Show up at school, unexpectedly and frequently.  Visit with their teachers, get involved in a program, observe them in P.E., go see them in their class, pick them up for lunch.  If you’re worried it will embarrass them, use the excuse of bringing them some little gift, message, or item.  They’re going to accuse you of spying anyway.  Laugh it off.
2. If you can sleep in shifts, do so.  Set the alarm for middle of the night room checks, or sleep in the living room, just think of ways to know if they sneak out.

Responsibility

1. Go through their room, with a trusted friend, if you can.  Forget PRIVACY.  Invade it.  A 13 year old hasn’t earned the right to privacy, they need you to keep them safe. 
2. If they have friends you haven’t met, grab some other adults to help you, and have a cookout at your house and invite the new people.  No meeting, no friend.
3. Instead of tough love, think “smart love.”
4. If you suspect drug use, get them tested.  No arguments accepted, just do it.  You need facts. 
5. Set aside time with your trusted friend to see how many more suggestions you can come up with that are designed to increase your time with your kids.
6. Create new family routines, such as chatting before bedtime, and work on that home atmosphere.  I’ve found that simply rearranging the furniture can give everyone a temporary lift in spirits. 
7. Make sure the home computer is in plain view.

Showing Affection

1. Talk, listen, love and laugh with your kids; remember to show your love for them, no matter what they’re doing. 
2. Take advantage of every positive moment and show extra love and attention.  Kids with pain in their heart are often drawn to the mysterious and forbidden side of life.  You may think you ARE showing love, but show more.  You are all going to need it.  Make many deposits in their emotional banks, because you will be making some painful withdrawals.  Fill ‘em up.
3. Make that phone call to the professionals and kick open a few doors.  Insist that you need help soon, not 8 weeks from now. 

I’ll try to help if you have specific questions.  This is a tough issue and I can only share my own experience.  Again, take care of you and build that safety net for your kids. 

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