Relationship Management

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by PIP ~ January 26th, 2007. Filed under: Family Relationships.
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by Marisue Alsobrook

Relationship Management

“Getting along with others is really a mind set, or an attitude of making frequent and consistent self adjustments to keep family relationships strong and healthy. Relationships change daily as we respond to the challenges and situations in our life. We may think that problems happen when people are in trouble, but actually even happy times bring about stress and change. When raising children, it’s particularly important to have a plan you will follow when both parents disagree.”

Relationship Help

If you find yourself wanting your relationships to improve, let me ask you to take a look inward, first. Why? Though we often think the other person in our relationship, even our children, need to change for things to improve, we will find the most results in progress and improvement when we begin with ourselves. You may NOT be the problem. However, it’s nearly impossible to change others by talking, pleading, or demanding. If you think you’re doing all you can already, take a deep breath, open your mind and read the next 3 steps to relationship management.

What Do You Want?

This is not an easy question. Most of us can’t answer that in one sentence, but try. Narrow your focus to one or two sentences, and go back and revise it as your thoughts continue with the other 2 steps. When deciding what you want, 1 - 5 things are a workable number. For example, you might say “I want peace in the home.” That’s a broad statement but it’s a good beginning.

2. How can you get what you want?

Think about and list 5 strategies that will bring about results for you. As you write, if you are writing strategies about what others need to do, STOP. Only list things YOU can do to improve your relationships. Here are some examples:

I can be optimistic in my attitude with my family.
I can listen to others without interrupting.
I can do things for others to make them happy without demanding anything from them, even gratitude. (I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be grateful, but try to do things whether they show gratitude or not. That’s a separate issue.)
I can make some positive changes in our physical environment such as mood enhancement with music, cleaning one room at time, organizing and arranging a family or study room, etc.
I can spend individual time with my children/spouse/partner.
I can …. ( you get the idea now…)

3. How do I make what I want, happen?

Take each of the five strategies you listed and underneath each item, write how you will accomplish it.

For example:

I can be optimistic in my attiude with my family by:

Making positive comments about my day.
Making positive comments about something my family member (spouse, partner or child) has done recently.
Reading self help books and articles.
Making sure I have a positive appearance.
Listening to peaceful music/movies/news. (see other posts on home environment)

Now, continue to go through each of your five strategies and list specific things you can do. Make every effort to create a daily habit with your plan. I believe you will find that as you work on your part of relationship management, you will see a more positive and peaceful response in those around you. They will even begin to mimick your behavior, and when that happens you will know you are on the right track.

Relationship Advice

Hints for success:

Understand that problems in relationships improve slowly and only with consistent effort.
Healthy relationships are not brought about without a healthy plan of action.
Attitude is altitude. You gain when there is a little pain.
Stay with what you can do, even when others are out of control.
Decide what you are willing to sacrifice, and then keep silent about it. Frequently telliing family members how much you sacrifice for them totally wipes out the effect of the sacrifice. They should be able to see it, and while you can talk about it occasionally in a family discussion, make sure you are not on the “self martyr” trip.
Look for positive everywhere around you. While driving (forget ROAD RAGE), while shopping, while waiting in line, after the preacher’s sermon (don’t eat him for lunch), and while discussing a bad experience.
Remember your partner doesn’t gain much by listening to a blow by blow description of your bad day at work, or where ever…VENT CAREFULLY, and maybe to a friend instead.
Expand on positives and cut to the chase on the negatives. We tend to do just the opposite, so concentrate on this new approach.

Remembering that relationship management is a daily course of action, then being willing to bend with the winds of change, can help you build the comfort zone you seek with those you love. Think about what you want and what it will take to get there, then surround yourself with books, magazines, tapes, and all kinds of information to help you with your relationship management. Here’s to a happy journey.

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