by: Marisue Alsobrook 

“Time For Kids? ‘What About Time for Me?’Time for kids, job, relationships, and yourself is hard to find if you’re a working single parent, but let me tell you, my kids were raised by two parents, and we still had to struggle for time.  Juggling work, family, and marriage or dating is just plain difficult, for everyone.”

Raising Children 

My routine involved stepping out of my day after work, and pushing the day’s happenings to the side while I put on the parent/wife hat.  My hectic “work-college-more-work” day ended with the need to be even more energetic so I could pick up the kids from the babysitter on my way home, skip the trip to the grocery store if possible, do all the “kissy-huggy, how was your day” stuff, and then start laundry, throw supper together and straighten up at least one room before the evening meal. 

I loved talking with the kids and listening to them, but it was hard to squeeze everything into that hectic hour or two before supper.  And, yes, in my house, many times dishes were left in the sink, and no, I was never arrested by the house police.

I tried to save most errands for Saturday, which made that day another crazy event.  For 4 and a half years, I went to college full time, raised foster kids, adopted 2 babies, ran a small apartment complex, trained foster parents for the state, worked some weekends at a local motel for friends of ours, tried to keep my busy assistant chief of police husband happy, and make sure my 3 sons were fulfilled.  Yeah.  Daily, our middle name was “sacrifice.”  Everyone gave up something so some pretty big goals could be accomplished.  Time for “me” was a scarce commodity.

What did I learn?  I learned that you can do what you make up your mind to do. No matter what. 

An Inconvenient Life 

If I had waited for the right time, the right day, ’til I had money, ’til the weather was good, ’til my husband understood me, ’til it was easier, ’til the kids were older, I most likely would not have graduated college, adopted my two young sons, would not have had all those wonderful buddy times with my oldest son, and nor have grown personally as much as I did. It’s never a perfect time, but looking back, the times were perfectly wonderful.

It was never convenient to attend classes, or to study, or for my husband to cook all those meals or do all that laundry, or for me to go the kids games, or read to them, or talk with my oldest son or go to his drama productions and share his high school life, — life itself was just not convenient. 

Everyone was important and came first.  We just did it, one day at a time, and then, one morning I woke up and the kids were all grown, and here I am, talking about it and wishing I could relive a moment or two.  

Teaching children 

Parents have to be good at multi-tasking, searching for those teaching children moments.  Kids are always watching and parents are always teaching, even when we’re not aware of it.  My normal evening consisted of keeping my sons occupied at the kitchen table while I cooked and tried to talk to all three of them at the same time.  I loved my time with them, but often fell into bed completely exhausted, only to have sunrise give birth to another day of the same.  Now, I guess what I was teaching then, was how to be a workaholic, because all my children are hard workers.

Looking back, those exhausting days were the happiest of times.  Why is it that we often don’t recognize happiness when we’re in the middle of it?  My brain knew my kids would grow up, but my heart thought we were all forever young. 

As parents, we’re performing many roles and wearing many hats at the same time….referee, teacher, counselor, entertainer, nurse, prophet (have to predict the future) and safety patrolman.  I always said that this “domestic engineering” was the most demanding of all jobs, and probably the most important job on the planet. Somehow, we have to make those small moments of time with child, friend, spouse, boss, and home, full of “quality.” 

If you find yourself complaining about the kids, the housework, the bills, the job, the spouse, and the lack of “me” time, just remember that in a flash, you will want it all back. 

My advice, is take time to breathe; to love every hectic moment, to laugh more, listen more, hug more, understand and forgive more, even clean a little more, but only if you have TIME.   

Take time for Kids.   Don’t look for perfection, just live your life, being actively engaged. You’ll have plenty of time for you, later, when you’ll want it the least. 

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