Kids and Food

February 2007
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by PIP ~ February 5th, 2007. Filed under: Food, Eating & Diet.
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by Marisue Alsobrook

Eating Disorders

“Kids and food. What do we do? How do we get them to eat right? We want them to eat right, but we end up expecting them to eat on command. ‘More of this, none of that, eat now, eat later, not before bed, not during the night, before you shower, after the game,’ on and on it goes. Our instructions and their stomachs are inseparable.”

Other than watching kids down sweets at 60 miles an hour, and cleaning up the floor from our toddlers food toss, what’s a parent to do? What’s a child to do? Getting our kids to eat nutritiously is difficult, but decide now to end the food battles. During all my parenting, I don’t remember a single child, and we had over 250, that didn’t seem to have some kind of issue with food. They seemed to crave sweets, want more than they could eat, hated everything on the table, only wanted what they didn’t have, and hid what they could in their room.

By contrast, my own children loved vegetables, tried new foods, and ate everything that wasn’t making noise. From watermelon to lamb, they ate it up.

I came to the conclusion that as loss and grief certainly seemed to affect our security, food was definitely a part of that. We found ourselves putting rules on meals, and of course it didn’t work. In fact, it made things worse. Just say “eat this!” in a stern voice to a 6 or 16 year old and see what happens. In the workshops I conducted, I heard scarey remarks from foster parents about denying privileges to foster kids if they didn’t eat what was placed before them, and even putting them on sandwich or soup diets if they were grounded. I won’t name places and people, but it scared me.

If you hear yourself demanding kids eat, taking away privileges if they don’t (no tv, no playtime, early bedtimes, etc), please stop. Take a closer look at the results and I think you’ll agree it’s making the situation worse. “But,” you say, “If I don’t make them, they don’t eat right!” Ok, I agree there’s a problem. The solution is not in what you take away, but what you give and teach. Give pleasant, healthy food choices, and teach them life skills, such as “self-management” while making them feel safe and loved. We all remember the Helen Keller story about her horrible eating habits when she was a child and the extreme measures taken to break them. (Yes, that was brought up to me in a workshop…”Well it worked for Helen Keller!”) However, let’s also remember that Helen Keller could not hear, or see, or speak. Her teacher had to get her attention first, and then the teaching was possible and became much gentler. Our kids can make progress with less extremes.

Positive Parenting

“Bad” behavior should never result in the threat or removal of food. Other than family cookouts and plannings for special events, similarly, giving food as rewards should be done with caution, as many times we foster obesity by giving sugary treats or extra food for achievements. There is nothing wrong, however, with cooking favorite foods during happy times or celebration for a good report card. Just be careful about extremes.

What To Do

But that being said, how do we encourage kids to eat healthy food? Maybe by doing less than we think. When I was growing up, I didn’t like breakfast food. Even smelling eggs or the thought of milk would make me gag. However, I was often caught eating ice cream at 6:00a.m. My mom got tired of demanding I eat eggs or cereal and got creative instead. Knowing that something in the stomach was better than nothing, she first decided to give me a reason to get up. Early in the mornings, the smell of cinnamon rolls drove me to the kitchen with eagerness. As days went by, she added eggs cooked in the middle of biscuits. She was always a step ahead of me and changed the menu frequently. She made graham crackers with marshmallow creme or peanut butter, later putting apples in the middle with only a small amount of the gooey stuff. The point is, she quit fighting with me and started thinking what we now call “out of the box.”

Exercise for good health!

Eating is natural, but it is affected by moods and situations. I’ve read that our bodies seem to know when certain food is good for us and when it’s not. Most of the time, we make too much of it. However, nutrition for kids is very important as we realize that our kids are becoming overweight at an alarming rate. In my opinion, blame the inactivity, not so much the diet. I love all the wrong things. Mashed potatoes make me drool, warm homemade breads are manna from heaven, and chocolate cake has to be God’s blessing to us. A few years ago, I decided to get healthy, but instead of giving up my favorite foods, I walked every day. Soon, I was walking 45 minutes a day and lost over 40 pounds in 4 months. And, I never gave up any food, however, I ate considerably less. I don’t know why, but walking turned my appetite down to a more heathly portion and I craved walking more than cake. But, if I ate the cake, and kept the daily walk, I didn’t gain a single pound. I also slept more soundly and woke more rested. When I stopped walking, and stupidly, I did, the pounds came back, as well as the sleepless nights. Now, what’s the lesson? Maybe there is something to the need for daily exercise after all!

Stepping ‘Out’ Of Emotions

We had the most success with young kids and teens alike, when we kept a low profile at mealtime. Step out of your emotions for the moment. Put colorful food on the table, making an effort to include at least one thing most everyone likes. For us, we found that if they had the option to say “no” to a food, with a consistent request phrased “Can you try one bite?” from us, the kids began to eat new things. If they weren’t hungry, they still sat at the table and “socialized.” What we did ask was that they politely say , “No, thank you” and refrain from making faces when they turned down what was prepared. We tried to include them in cooking, meal planning and shopping. That helped, but there still seemed to be someone at every meal who didn’t want anything that was cooked.

No Instant or Overnight Success

When kids refused food, if we replied unemotionally, things were better. They knew that if they didn’t eat supper, the only snack later was fruit or fresh vegetables. Frankly, I thought about having them cook the next night, but I always invisioned them spitting in the food, and since we had to eat it too, I made it a habit to hang around when teens were in the kitchen. Just keepin’ it real, folks.

Over the years, here’s what we learned about mealtimes:

Keep meals simple.
Offer fresh vegetables at every meal, even breakfast.
Offer fruit, cheese, and yogurt as side dishes.
Limit starches, breads, and sugars.
Let them help shop, cook and look up recipes, choosing what they want to try.
Keep the conversation light.
Keep corrections for behavior at a minimum, pre-teaching manners before mealtimes, if you can.
Keep company at a minimum while handling food issues.
Accept no, with a rule for eating later if they don’t eat dinner.
To discourage hording of food in their rooms, keep snacks out that are acceptable.
Always compliment the cook.
Always include the kids in the clean up.

If we wanted them to have a good attitude about food, we discovered it was most important to drop OUR attitude about their attitude, FIRST. Make sense?

Think about what you want mealtime to look like at your house. The most important thing, I think, is to be together and to have those sit down meals. Nutrition, for the most part, will take care of itself. If you build it, they will come.

Pleasant dining!!

Author’s Note: If you suspect any kind of true eating disorder such as anorexia or bulemia, please do not hesitate to consult your doctor. See other posts on Kids, Food, and Rules.

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