by Marisue Alsobrook 

After parenting over 250 kids during the last 18 years, I’ve learned a lot about getting children of all ages, to eat what’s put before them.  Kids seem to always be eating, but never the “right” thing.  But, maybe we’re judging too quickly.  What are we “feeding” them?

Today, my three sons eat almost every kind of vegetable, seafood, (even sushi) and meat.  I think they like so many things because we made a conscious decision to put lots of variety in front of them as they were growing up, and decided to let them make their own decisions.  Now, of course, there was a lot of prompting from us along the way, but basically, we placed it on the table, and let them decide. 

Basic “Food Philosophy” That Works!

Do these comments sound familiar?  I had quite a bit of well meaning help from various relatives saying things like:

• “He didn’t finish his food.” (His first helpings were a bit more than he could eat, he’s learning not to take so much.)
• “I’d make him sit down and eat that.” (He wasn’t hungry but promised to put his plate in the microwave for later.  He had just finished 2 hours of football practice and was beat.)
• “He didn’t eat his breakfast.” (No, but he grabbed 1 energy bar, 3 fig newtons, an apple and a gatorade on his way out the door.  Sounds pretty healthy to me.)

Trying to be diplomatic, we’d reply “You know, our kids are great ‘eaters,’ we don’t put much pressure on them about meals.  We just offer healthy food and they do the rest.”  Then, we’d change the subject.  However, we did seem to go through the same conversations at every gathering.  Resist the pressure!

What frustrated me the most was listening to friends, relatives and other parents tell their kids to “Eat three more bites of peas”  or “Eat 2 more bites of chicken,” “Put that down,” “Eat this instead,” “No dessert because you didn’t eat the broccoli,”  repeating all of those phrases over and over as the kids picked with their food.  These battles occurred at every meal until I wanted to scream out “Quit counting their food bites!  Let them enjoy the ‘gathering,’ even if they eat later.  Let them choose!” (Stop it, Stop it, Stop it!) 

Our own sons would look at us and secretly roll their eyes, often saying, “Gosh Mom and Dad, I’m sure glad you don’t force me to eat!”  One time, our oldest son said, just as serious as he could be, “You know Mom, she said he only ate 2 bites of his peas, but I could’ve sworn it was 3.”   We cracked up.  Well, you had to be there.

Make a good effort to take the pressure off the kids regarding food, especially when friends and family are over for special times.  Let them help choose what goes on their plate.  Ask them to: sit at the table especially at the beginning of the meal; eat what they can; and soon give them permission to run off and play.  I mean, what’s the point of the gathering?  A good time, or eating everything?  Decide NOT to battle with them.  It’s much more pleasant and I’ll bet they won’t lose any weight over it.  We want our kids to eventually become “self-reliant” and they won’t get there if we’re constantly hovering.

Short and to the Point:

• Put colorful and healthy food in front of them, encourage them to socialize, be mannerly, and eat what they can.
• Let them choose what goes on their plate, for the most part.  You could say “We pick 2 things, you pick the rest.”  (I normally chose vegetables as my two things for them, knowing they’d go for the meat anyway, but occasionally I’d “play with them” and put the dessert on their plate.  It always got a giggle and an exaggerated  “Mawwww om!”)
• As soon as possible, let them fill their own plates. That sends a powerful message that THEY are in control, giving them more independence, therefore less arguments.  (Naturally, we asked them to take less than they want, to make sure others get their portion, then come back for more.)
• Stock up on raw vegetables and fruit, less on salty crunchies or sweets. 
• Place a few posters and articles about food, or even the food pyramid, on the family bulletin board.
• Talk about nutrition during family conversations or cooking times.
• Keep food/meal rules to a bare minimum, creating just enough rules to keep the meals something everyone awaits with pleasure.

Avoid This Behavior:

I have a friend who drives me crazy with the way she feeds her child.  Here’s an example:  For dinner, she’s prepared porkchops, buttered potatoes and peas.  For her child she’ll fix cold cereal, or scrambled eggs.  Now the little girl is 8 and while the cereal is healthy, what she’s teaching isn’t.  If this happened on occasion, no harm done.  We’re all “in the mood” for a certain food sometimes.  But, this is almost a daily occurrence.  She cooks meatloaf, the child eats a cheese sandwich, she fixes spaghetti, the child picks at cheese and crackers. 

What bothers me, is that the child dictates what she eats and when, and has not yet learned to sit down and eat what’s been put on the table for the family.  When asked to eat from the prepared items, she wrinkles her nose and says, “I don’t like that.”  Every meal?  I don’t support forcing kids to eat a food they’re sure they don’t like, but yes, they need to choose from what’s prepared. 

Basically, meals should be pleasing, happy, simple times, not a constant flow of “let’s make a deal” comments.  Here’s to building great memories!

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