by Marisue Alsobrook  

Kids are adorable, but kid’s misbehaving is a daily event.  I expect it, and find that it’s not the kids,  it’s the parents that bug me.  I love to see families eating out together.  I think it’s great to take the kids out and get them used to behaving in public.  What a great stage upon which they can learn and practice their “inside and outside” behaviors.  Here’s the short of it:  I know with every fiber of my being, that “practice” or “kid rehearsal” is the key to successful parenting and healthy, well-prepared kids.

Teaching Children Manners

Teaching children manners is a process, not an event.  Of course, we all know that kids are full of noises, some pleasant and some not so hot.  With our own three sons and all the foster kids you could count, we were quite familiar with family noise.  I’m saying that, so that you understand if I’m complaining, it’s got to be bad.  As it is my husband’s karma to get bad service at restaurants, it seems my karma to sit beside the families that have a screamer.  

Last night, we were patiently awaiting our burgers and wings at a nearby sports bar, when a family of many entered with the noise of a marching band.  This family was fully equipped with several little ones, one of which came in screaming and never stopped.  And, of course they sat right behind us.  Mom was either deaf, or so used to the noise that she had developed what I call “selective listening.”  You hear what you want to hear, and you pretend not to hear anything else.  It was probably her only defense against her little sound barrier breaker. 

Now, I’m a patient woman.  Within 5 minutes I was wondering if a stiff drink would numb my inner ear.  Soon, I was thinking it would take at least 2 drinks to give much comfort to my level 9 migraine.  At the beginning of my third, I was envisioning torturous consequences.  For the MOM, not the kid.  Kid’s do what they do until parents do what THEY do.  But, she didn’t.  Do anything, I mean.  The teacher-parent-of-many-lover-of-all-kids in me was screaming silently in rhythm with the kid “Ok, Mom, this is where you say, ‘honey we use our inside voices now and if you can’t find your inside voice, we’ll have to go OUTSIDE AND LOOK FOR IT.’   Come on, Mom,” I was screaming to myself.  “Either you teach him, or I will.” 

Of course, I couldn’t.  I mean, you interfere with lack of parenting in today’s world and you’re liable to get shot or beat up and I’m a lover, not a fighter.  Kinda.  After about 30 minutes of hearing 10 decible screaming, I was seriously considering taking up boxing. 

The back of the grill/bar was looking better every second.  But, in spite of my frustration, I didn’t want to get up and move because I was afraid of hurting their feelings.  Now, how sane is that?  Her child was driving all of us in the restaurant mad with inner ear pain, and I was AFRAID of hurting HER feelings.  Well, that fear passed with every continuing scream out of the sweet little monster’s mouth. 

My husband and I looked at each other and at the back of the bar.  After 30 years of marriage, (of course, we look MUCH younger than that) we have developed great radar.  Without a word, we picked up our very empty beer glasses and RAN to the back.  Ahhhh.  The noise dropped to a more comfortable 5 decibles and we could now quit drinking and enjoy the food. 

Teaching Children While They’re Young, or at Least Short

The poor mom just had no clue how hard she was making her own life.  I could slide away from the noise but this woman was living with it.  Other than screaming to communicate, the little 3 or 4 year old appeared normal.  I’m not unsympathetic.  It’s very hard to take your kids out to eat, and then spend most of the time in the parking lot.  But, doing it a few times now, while you are energetic, and the children are young or at least short, ensures an easier lifestyle and healthier attitude for both of you.  Once the kiddo matures and outgrows you in size, your job is much more difficult.   ‘Course my mom used to tell me, “the bigger they are, the harder they fall.”  She was scared of no man, nor beast.  However, wrestling with a rude 16 year old is just not appealing, so GET YOUR BLUFF in early.

Remember, the secret to well-adjusted, self-reliant children, fewer gray hairs for parents, and to keeping your hearing, is PREVENTION.  Can you imagine a football team just showing up to play the game and expecting to win without practicing any of the moves?  What would Broadway be without their rehearsals?  I remember practicing hours and hours on the piano to  play a 2 page piece at a recital.   Oh, parents, hear me well.  After 250 foster kids and many parenting mistakes of my own, I’ve learned that it’s wise to take the time to develop the habit of practicing daily with your children the behaviors you want from them.  Show them, expect them to do it, and then give them feedback!!  I AM writing a book on the matter, because I know with every fiber of my being, that “practice” or “kid rehearsal” is the key to successful parenting and healthy, well-prepared kids.  They WILL grow up, you know.  And, the little screamer sitting at the table today, COULD be the angry and abusive ADULT tomorrow. 

Now, quit screaming at me.  I know you think I’m being over dramatic.  Of course there are the exceptions.  Let me go ahead and say it.  “Not all kids who are out of control in their youth will be criminals in their adulthood.”  and “Not all criminals were screaming kids;  many were so cooperative that it was scarey as well.”  But, let’s not live in THAT 2% and think we can let our kids go nuts because they’re “little and cute” without any thought about the future outcome. 

Reasonable adults know that letting kids get by with unreasonable behavior is MOST OF THE TIME NOT going to bring about a healthy, well-adjusted, productive citizen (which is the goal of parenting, right?)

So, having said that, please get control of them now, teach them repeatedly what’s expected, enforce it gently and consistently, and bring about a healthier and happier tomorrow. 

As for me, I’m purchasing some earplugs, just in case no one’s listening. 

Related Posts:

1. Dodging Kids in Public Places
2. Teaching By Example: Walking With Giants
3. Violence: Eliminate It by Teaching Children to Cope Positively with Negative Experiences
4. Bored and Want A New Life? The Secret is Not Secret!
5. Anger Problems? The Secret to Self Control
6. The Secret to Happiness Now
7. The Secret to Successful Family Meetings: Steps For Success!
8. Family Meetings: Here’s the Secret 10 Steps That Link To Success
9. Parenting Advice - The Secret to Effective Parenting
10. Finding Happiness! Yes, You Can! Here’s The Secret!