by Marisue alsobrook 

“The most important chracteristic of anger management, one that will get you through many tough moments is a simple one.  Use it often, and sometimes minute by minute until self control is achieved.  Try the “Self-Talk and Walk” approach to calming your anger!  Temper is a state of mind.  You may think “you can’t help it,” but you Can and Must!  It hurts others, sometimes so badly, that to undo the damage will take more time than many care to invest.  I say, “Start Now!”  Let others you love feel your heart.  Words mean something, and if you find yourself getting hot before anyone has barely struck a match, it’s time to cool off!” 

“Self-Talk” along with “predicting responses” is one of the best ways to tame that temper. 

Here are 5 basic steps to my “Self Talk and Walk” approach:

1. Stop the temper words and don’t let them out of the mouth.  Picture a big red stop sign and flash it before your mind’s eye when you’re “seeing red.”
2. Write down short phrases that are designed to make you think and memorize them, practicing them daily. Say things like: ”Stop.  Think.  Don’t speak yet.”  “Breathe.”  “They don’t mean everything they’re saying.” ”I will not speak at this time.”  “I will remain calm.  This is not as bad as it feels.”  “This will get better when we take time away and then come back to it.”  “This is not all about me.”  “I can do the right thing, even if they don’t.” 
3. Walk away calmly. When anger strikes say out loud “I’m going to take a break and then we can talk.”  Then walk away!!!  Remove yourself from the scene.
4. Respect the feelings of others. It’s not all about you.  It never is.  Everyone has a story, meaning things going on in the background of their heart and mind.  Let others have their moments.  You control yours.
5. Choose.  Choose to communicate; Don’t choose to Lose your temper!!  Lose the attitude instead.  Once you’re calm, choose to communicate.  With great respect, let your feelings out, but be brief.  No one wants to listen to the sermon and they deserve the right to make comments along the way. 

I know it’s not easy.  None of these steps are fool-proof nor easy.  We’re all human and it’s hard not to sound angry when you are.  Sounding angry is not the problem.  Destroying hearts and relationships IS.  Practice and picture yourself expressing your feelings before you actually do.  Most of all, realize that you need to make some changes, and begin.  Even if you only “temper” your “temper” a little, it will make a huge difference in your life. 

We all have seen the damaging effects of stormy words and violence.  I’ve seen so many kids and adults damage and destroy both property and relationships because “they got mad.”  We need to teach kids healthy ways to be angry.  Share ways to be “mad” with your kids,  they need to know.  And, let’s make sure they see what you say, in your own mad moment.

Author’s Note:  There are no easy solutions to controlling anger, but it is EASIER than you think.  Begin today.  If you feel you need professional help, please seek it before anyone is actually hurt.   

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