PartnershipInParenting.com The partnership you need to master parenting skills.

by Marisue Alsobrook

Introduction:  Do you have someone close to you who is in grief?  Are you struggling trying to talk to those in pain? I know you want to help. Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing much.  Please avoid giving well meaning advice.  Listen.  Make comforting sounds.  Hug or don't hug.  Be there.  Say you care.  Cook a little for them.  Don't talk too much, they can't hear you.  Nod.  Cry a little with them.  Come back often.  Try to get them to do something physical, but be gentle.  Be sensitive.  Be there.

What People  in Grief Say About What They Want to HearWhat You Say…(What I Hear)

Over the years, people in grief have often said to me that they wished they could tell people who are trying to help them to "Stop telling me how wrong I am or what to feel!” 

I've made a list of what people seem to want when they're hurting, straight from their own voices:

1. What people in grief seem to want to hear most is silence. 
2. No advice. 
3. They need understanding nods. 
4. They need you.  (Companionship.) 
5. The don't want comments about how they "should" feel.
6. They want a strong, firm, understanding presence that will do some of the normal everyday things that the grieving person can't seem to accomplish such as:  Take out the trash. Cook a little. Help them dress or do basic housework. Then,

by: Marisue Alsobrook 

Introduction: Sadness engulfs us.  It is indescribable and feels permanent.  There is help.  Hang on.  Read, talk, ask for help.  Surround yourself with others.  Hang on.

Yes, You Can Help A Grieving Heart       

Daily parenting is a challenge and a joy.  We get so deeply involved, taking moments, days and years for granted.  Sometime along the journey, we would be wise to stop and be grateful, even for and perhaps mostly for the aggravations parents experience.  When the moments are gone, we might want even those exasperating times back in a heartbeat.  Be wise, parents, be loving; be grateful; be there.

The hardest part of parenting is the least often discussed; the toughest to think about; the unthinkable.  But, it happens.  And, when it does, if it's a friend, a relative, or yourself, what do we do?  How do we help someone through the life-changing experience of  losing a child?

Then we clam up. We don’t want to hear. We are threatened. If her child died, mine could too. What can we do when parenting goes beyond the normal expectations? “What do I say?” friends ask me with a look of agony in their eyes. “I feel so helpless. I can’t empathize, I haven’t had a child die.”You can help. You don’t have to stand there with a blank stare or excuse yourself from the conversation.

Marisue says "Maturity doesn't necessarily mean that being all grown up eliminates playtime.  Playing with your children, skipping, acting silly, being dramatic all can improve and alleviate stress in our bodies and minds.  Relax, let it go, it's giggle time!" 

Becoming a parent is a life changing event, and while bringing up children certainly can be a joyful experience there's no denying that it can also place huge stresses on you as a mother or father. Commonly recommended ways of dealing with stress in other areas of
life tend to involve 'getting away from it all', such as visits to the gym or a game of squash to release the tension. However, being a parent is a full time job and it's not always possible to take time out in this way.

Luckily, there are several ways of dealing with your stress that actively involve your children, and so are much easier to apply to your day to day life.
You'll also probably find that enjoying time with your children while simultaneously lowering your stress levels will deepen your mutual bonds and strengthen your relationship - which sounds like a good thing all round!

Once your child is old enough to walk, you'll likely find yourself constantly watching out for them as they use their seemingly unlimited energy to explore both their environment and their own physical skills and potentials.This can sometimes be draining of the parents' energy and a factor of stress, but why not use the situation to your advantage? Harness their energy and curiosity by taking them to a safe place such as a park or the open country, and join in with their games in the sunshine and fresh air.