By Marisue Alsobrook

Introduction: Some days, you just wake up with an attitude.  “An Attitude” meaning not a good one.  It doesn’t feel good to feel bad, but it’s hard to shake.  Stress piles up on us….burying us so far under we can’t seem to dig out.  So we grump around, slamming things, scaryin’ the dog and the kids, and wishin’ we were somewhere else or feeling happy instead of “slappy.”  When you’re down and lashing out at those you love, it may feel impossible to change your attitude, but yes, you can; and you must.  Going negative isn’t good for the soul or family. 

Somewhere along the way, we’ve been told that venting was healthy.  Uh-huh. Yeah.  That’s why everyone including the dog wants out of your way when you’re doing it.  Three words that just don’t work:  “I was mad.”  Venting can be healthy, but only barely.  Here’s why:

• Venting while angry seldom solves problems

• Venting while angry often causes arguments

Good Venting?

• Vent to someone not involved - Only a few people are strong enough to wait to vent to the people who can listen with understanding because they’re not in the middle of the situation, but it’s worth the wait.  You actually come away with solutions and a lighter load, compared to feeling guilty and having to line people and pets up while you apologize.

So, swallow the mad gab and talk yourself out of it for the moment.  Later, talk to an understanding uninvolved person, take a walk, or do some mental problem-solving before tossin’ the baby out with the bath water. 

Thinking positive in a negative situation can be a powerful tool to stress management and achievement.  I’m not talking about a ‘Poly-Anna’ attitude. Approaching our problems with clear thinking and an ”I’m going to make it” strategy will take us far. 

As a parent and foster parent for over 18 years, I experienced one crisis after another; in fact, we lived in the middle of emotional tornadoes.  Taking it out on those around us would have destroyed our own family’s relationships.  I discovered many advantages to positive thinking in my life. 

Advantages of Positive Thinking

My experiences have taught me that to a certain extent, how we think, act and re-act may very well influence and contribute to what happens to us.  Now, of course, some things are out of our control.  Governments make their decisions and we all pay the price.  Yet, even then, we have more control than we may realize, if we are disciplined in our response. 

Business & Family Relationships - Common Connections 

We can apply many of the same principles we use when building relationships in our business to the work we do with our family.  There are common connections between family and business relationships.  At work, we hold our tempers, we are patient, we go the extra mile, we share the credit; we work on a team, we “give in” to others, we participate in activities we may have not like; and we are polite and mannerly. 

Along with this portrayal of good attitude, we apply and create solid business rules or practices.  Basic economics shows that if we don’t want to pay the current price for something, we can choose to not purchase the item and if enough consumers make that same decision, prices will most likely decrease.  In that way, supply and demand pushes us through life.  For example, when chicken is too high, buy pork; if pork goes up, buy beef, and so it goes.  For other items, such as gasoline, we can’t always substitute, but we can cut back on the amount of use, etc. 

Positive thinking is basically an attitude; and thankfully, that means we can change it.  We decide how to respond to what happens to us on a daily basis.  Those decisions set us apart; those decisions are empowering.  Are we responding, or re-acting?  Is the push behind our behavior emotional?  Can we think about our next step calmly, even put a plan in place before we act?  Do you have faith in yourself, or in those who can help you? 

10 Secret and Essential Steps to Developing the Habit of Thinking Positively:

1.      When experiencing a negative moment, understand that you will need time to vent, but resist the impulse to “keep venting” for days and days or weeks, or “forever.”  Get it off your chest, and then OFF your mind using problem solving techniques

2.      Think “problem – solution.”  Most problems do have solutions, and most problems are not instantaneously solved.  Think about that for a moment.  Decide what the next step should be.

3.      Make a list of possible solutions, with an outcome predicted for each solution.

4.      Weighing the outcomes, pick one or more solutions and begin to think of “how to” steps.

5.      Write down the “How-To’s,” then prioritize them.  Take all the time necessary to focus on this task. 

6.      Take time for physical exercise, it does help your mood.

7.      Vent to friends and ask them to give you feedback.  Brainstorming with others increases creative thinking.

8.     Use self talk that builds you up, saying something like:        

• I can do this
• I will be ok 
• I can solve this problem
• I can find qualified help
• This will get better as I work on it
• I need to be patient
• I need to keep trying
• I need to put this aside until later. Forming mental boxes or “compartmentalizing” around stress that seems overwhelming is a healthy coping skill, as long as you remember to take it out of the box at a time when you can focus on it, and then chop it up into manageable sections, beginning the problem solving process.

9.      Repeat these steps until the problem and solution come closer together

10.  Be patient.  Only on TV and in the movies are problems solved in minutes.

Bonus Steps:

1.      Give yourself permission to change your mind, but give your solutions a chance.

2.     Did I say ask for qualified help?

See the connections between work and family?  Thinking positively spills over into all aspects of our life.  Self control, and good attitude will change your life and the life of those you love.  It changes your world.  It’s worth the effort to learn to possess good cheer and hope.  I know you can do it.  Your family needs you to be the best example for them, as well.  Work hard! 

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2. Positive Living In Negative Times
3. Anger Management - A Fresh, New Attitude!
4. Thinking of Divorce?
5. Are You A Victim? Stop by Setting Healthy Boundaries
6. Links For Healthy Living: 5 Tips for Using Self Talk
7. Short Tempered? Lose It! Here’s the “Short” of It!
8. Violence: Eliminate It by Teaching Children to Cope Positively with Negative Experiences
9. Anger: Quick Facts
10. Happiness: Maybe We’ve Already Got It!