By Marisue Alsobrook

Introduction: Anger Management sounds so easy.  Like ordering fast food, let’s just have some.  Actually, it’s a lifestyle, and because of that, anger management takes time to learn and “grow.”  This fresh new attitude can be created with desire and determination.  It bears wonderful fruit.  The comfort zone that develops is so “good” that you will spread joy to others in your life.  You will walk lightly.  You will have inner peace. 

Everywhere we go, we’re an example of something.  The person that cuts you off in traffic, are they in control of your attitude?  The child that backtalks, do you jump right back at them?  The spouse/partner that’s grumpy?  Do you respond in kind and take it to work and bite at others?  What about the kids?  What are we showing them about coping with the day’s frustrations? 

It’s hard to even think about teaching teens how to cope with anger, unless we’ve got our own tempers under firm control. Look in the mirror, then think about how to express yourself in healthy ways. Where is our anger taking us? Be careful, the kids are watching.

Anger management is a skill that many people lack. Uncontrolled anger is seen in our society and news everyday. The expected shelter and trust among family members is shattered as parents kill kids, and kids turn weapons on parents. Somewhere, over many past years, we have lost our way. Fewer parents are able to model self control, and those who do have to compete with movies and other media influences that seem to get stronger constantly.

What level of anger is acceptable? I remember my father telling me that my right to anger ended where another person’s nose began. Keeping philosophy simple, I think those words apply today. When thinking about anger control, I think we need to resist the impulse to become too analytical. Let’s keep it simple, and aim for the black and white of it. We all understand there are exceptions to all kinds of rules of living, but I believe we need to get back to basics.

Life is full of pressure, that’s for sure. But how easy was it for our grandparents to grow up during the depression? Work filled the day, and most people were too tired to cause serious trouble. My husband tells me of a time when he was a young teen, when the most exciting thing to happen was when a neighboring farmer’s outhouse had been stolen and hauled to the local town corner for display. Annoying, but harmless. People who got angry yelled, and maybe punched each other in the nose, and then got up and shook hands and went back to work.

I’m not sure when a fist-to-cuffs turned into shootings, but we all know it’s become very serious. What do we tell our kids? I think we show them and tell them as well.

We’ve got to show them we respect other people’s rights, their property, and the work it took them to gain it. We need to verbalize our thoughts, and demonstrate our feelings in positive ways.

Our kids, our spouses, our friends need to be involved in helping others. I firmly believe that Brittany Spears and other young people who’ve had early financial success would be grounded and mentally healthy if they had been involved in community service. Promoting goodwill and helping others just has to be part of our plan for raising our children and living in our towns and neighborhoods. We need to practice caring; when bored, when in doubt — help someone.

Balance our daily time that is spent on our own issues, with weekly and monthly time doing service for others. It doesn’t have to be a big task or take hours and hours of time. It does need to be consistent and frequent.

Keep to the simple tasks. Keep it fun, and talk about what you can do to help others. Let your kids know your thoughts. Young people can make assumptions about family or community situations that may not even be close to reality and if they don’t hear the right interpretation, can stay on the wrong track for too long. Parents, think out loud, but filter your thoughts and control your tongue!

Make some decisions about what your family values will be, and then make sure you spend a healthy portion of your routine talking about and involving your family in acting those values out wherever possible.

Anger management begins at home, everywhere, everyone, everyday. Keep it simple, keep it under control. Use common sense. We all know that people who exercise, get sleep, help others, eat right, are more in control of their health and their tempers. And, the two are definitely connected. Make a plan and get into that role modeling!

Related Posts:

1. Life Links: Anger Management Tips for Living
2. Got Attitude? 10 Strategies for Positive Thinking
3. Relationship Management
4. Anger: Quick Facts
5. Anger: Forgive It, Learn From It, Move On!
6. Anger: How To Talk When Mad
7. Time Management: A To Do List
8. Anger: Basic Information
9. The Secret to Stress Management
10. Anger Contract