by Marisue Alsobrook

Introduction:  Do you know people who always seem to be in a good mood, no matter what?  You think “They’re lucky!  I wish I had their life!”  But, wait.  Take a closer look.  It’s not luck.  It’s choice.  Everyone has a back story. 

Learning From Your History

During my 18 years of parenting foster kids I spent a lot of time discussing ways that kids could overcome their history; use the good, learn from the painful, and be who they wanted to be.  For most, learning that they could be different from their parents, or other adults who had hurt them, was a shock.   Some “got it.”  Some had a harder time with the concept. 

Change

Better attitudes brings about better behavior.  When it ”clicked” with these kids, exciting change happened.  As adults, we can apply the same steps to ourselves.

Postive Changes were:

• They began to get along with others.
• They did better in school.
• They discovered that life is not all about “them.”
• They learned to have compassion and serve others. 
• They began to think ahead, seeing their part in action and re-action. 
• They learned to change their thoughts DAILY, seeing positive thinking as a process, not an event.
• They were not upset so easily by change or events.
• They didn’t take everything so personally. 
• They learned to have hope for tomorrow. 

It’s a leap of faith to believe that you can change today and tomorrow.  It’s worth all the effort.  Just realize that this change is a process that will involve time and patience.  Yes, you can “live lighter.”  I’ve seen it happen.  Your effort to change your thinking will give great benefits: as we feel better, we perform better in life.

The process of change may seem too complicated and hard to begin, and it’s not easy.  Yet, this lifetime of mental exercise gives lasting rewards.  We’re going to keep it simple with the following tips:

1.  Change Your Thoughts

Some people make it look easy, some people may even have the ability to be dance through life’s challenges and appear cheerful more easily than others; but it’s achieveable for all.  “Choose to Lose” the bad moods, bad temper, bad attitude, bad results.  The negative thoughts can disappear, all by practicing self talk designed to look at situations from a lighter side.

2.  Practice self talk - daily.   

Now this doesn’t mean you talk to yourself to the point of getting stares from those around you.  Take the time to rehearse some easy, simple phrases.  Mentally saying positive phrases will lift you.  Here are some examples:

• I can be successful at what I do. 
• I’m going to make it a good day.
• I will think of others.
• I will not take things or myself so seriously. 
• Everything is not a crisis.
• It’s not my fault, but I can make a difference.
• It is my fault: I made a mistake: I will get over it.
• Move On!
• I will help someone today in a simple way.
• I will smile and look most people in the eye as I pass. (Keeping safety in mind, always.  Some individuals that are noticeably giving off bad vibes are better left alone.)
• I do not have to set the world on fire with accomplishments everyday. 
• It is not all up to me to solve everything I come across.
• I can help.  I do not have to do it all.
• I will listen to others, really listen. 
• I will not always have the answer.
• I will let others win, sometimes.
• I’m upset, but I’m going to do several things to calm myself down.  I don’t have to solve this problem completely today.
• I will treat my family with patience.
• I will organize areas of my life, one day at a time.
• I will give specific, positive praise to my children, spouse.
• I will not talk about others at work.
• I will refrain from negative thinking.  When I am tempted to think “Why me?”  I will think instead “I can improve this.”
• I will exercise daily by taking a short walk.
• I will do one thing for myself everyday. (Read, listen to music, call a friend, sit and dream…)

As you can see, these mental comments are many and specific to what may be going on at any given minute.    With practice, these mental lifts can become natural and instantaneous. 

Being your own best friend should be a lifetime habit.  Changing your brain is within your power.  Here’s another quick list of “Do Betters and Don’t Fretters” that you can begin today.  They will take you through all your tomorrows:

1. Do take frequent time for yourself; forget the “five minute you breaks.”  I’ve never felt better by a quick “5 minute gimme.”  (With the exception of taking 5 minutes to step out of anger…)Give yourself an hour here and there.
2. Do take reqular time for others.
3. Do practice mental lifting remarks.
4. Don’t nag at your friends or spouse or kids.
5. Do create a routine that’s on paper and let the paper be the “nag.”  Write it down.  Expect others to follow through with rules and chores, keep consequences simple and short.  NO one likes prolonged misery.
6. Do de-stress by limiting your exposure to world news.  Now what can you specifically do about the starving children in Africa and how does losing sleep over it improve their situation or yours?  Get real.  Contribute a few bucks to a cause that gives you pause, and move on.  God is still in charge, do your part to help but don’t absorb all the sadness.  There’s enough to go around.
7. Do Local charity work, but keep it short and simple.  Remember, one of your mental comments is that you can’t do it all, but you can help.  I’m always amazed at those who think they have to go out of country to help those in need.  How well do you know your own community?  Many of our abused children in foster care came right from our “home town.”  Even our local Lion’s Club had trouble believing that there were kids that were hungry in our own local homes and schools. 
8. Do put Family First.  Say no to too many committments, especially if you’re not sleeping, worrying a lot, not tending to your own home’s needs.  Serving others is a part of de-stressing and changing your brain, but it’s not exclusive.
9. Do slow down.  Enjoy the day.
10. Don’t think you “have to do this or it won’t get done.”  Don’t do it.  The world won’t fall apart; ask for help; it can get done in another way.  Remember - all is not up to you.

Peace in the home and in your life comes with changing your brain by working on how you think and act during the day.  Each day is a gift to lighten your load and love your family.  Be there, love the time you have.  Stop wishing your life away. Change your thoughts; change your life.

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